Kick my Ass for a Dollar.

Is there any place on earth worse than an audition waiting room?
If you've never been in one, imagine a doctors waiting room. You've never met the doctor but she is in the next room holding the results of a VERY important test. You tell yourself it's really not that important, but it bloody is. There's other patients in the waiting room too. They're mostly your size, shape and look. In between mumbling to yourself and going over and over what you'll be saying in there (if you ever get in there, it's been 45mins since you arrived) you're all sneaking glances at each other, sizing each other up. Only one of you is going to get good news and you all know it. You're all acting cool but you're not. Even Wolfgang West and the guy from Home and Away are trying to wipe their hands dry on their trousers. Some cute girl comes in and tries to break the ice by cracking a lame gag and everyone tries too hard to make small talk whilst realizing all of a sudden how few of you are actually american. An assistant calls your name and you pass by sympathetic looks and mumbled good wishes into a neon lit cubicle where your casting director for today gives you her fake as shit smile and token small talk. But you'll take it happily and she knows it. There's no camera, it's just a pre-read. Or maybe her assistant is pressing record on what looks like an iPod. But probably it's just the C.D, on a chair, and you, on a chair. A small chair. She's watching you very closely but you just know you're wasting her time. As evidenced by the worst "thank you for coming in, that was great" goodbye and door held quickly open. You're the 58th she's seen today and she's desperately in need of a gin. You bail outside having no idea where you're going but are just happy to be out. And then you start thinking about it...

I was thinking today my two least favorite things to do are finding my way somewhere when being on time is really important, and doing an audition. I've come to Los Angeles to do my two least favorite things. A person could get really dark living here...

It's funny how something in New Zealand that feels so wrong can feel so right somewhere else. I'll always remember being snowed in in Bristol, England on Christmas Day and finally realizing why Roast Turkey and Vegetables were apparently the perfect Christmas food. A desperate late night drive-thru McDonalds Hamburger once every five years in New Zealand makes me feel dirty and ashamed. A late-nite drive-thru McD's Quarter Pounder on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles makes me feel like all the pieces of the puzzle have finally come together and I am happy.

So I had a bit of a recce around my neighborhood, which for the record is Miracle Mile. (Pretty apt I feel. I'm gonna need one.)
Turns out I'm just around the corner from all the art museums and The La Brea Tar Pits. The what? I was hoping you'd ask.
The La Brea Tar Pits are a big grass area, which in L.A is unusual in itself. A relief for this Kiwi though. Till i noticed the odd mound of bubbling Tar leaking from the earth. There is a whole lake of the stuff, with methane bubbling up through it. Archaeologists are hard at work in a special area in the middle of the place where you can watch them at it. They've pulled massive chunks of earth out and are slowly whittling away at them finding the post-dinosaur mammalian remains of the animal life that were unlucky enough to wander into the tar and get stuck, and of course the bigger animals that wandered in after them thinking they were getting an easy lunch. There's a rather distressing fibre-glass model of a mother and baby mammoth watching as Dad sinks into the tar in the main lake. So a big Stinky Park of Death. But populated by living families and canoodling couples. Odd.

After doing my first Indie Film audition I had the chance to explore Venice Beach. Imagine the Newtown Cultural festival in Wellington after a hard night on drugs, throw in your mum's hippy friend, a sprinkle of skateboarders, a dash of surf-dude, top with ample hustle and serve to sound of bongos and madman mumble. It's a human zoo. And thoroughly enjoyable. Venice moves at a different pace to the inner city and folk there are damn proud of that. Great bookstores and good coffee. Just watch yourself, you don't quite know what's coming down the pavement at you. But chances are it will smell interesting.

Oscar season is heating up here. Of course. I should have guessed. It must be bigger here than anywhere. Not having an opinion is tantamount to leprosy here I believe. Best get out and see some films then.

Serena arrives tomorrow. I may have mentioned that. Looking forward to being a tourist. I know she is.

Funniest sight of the day: A very cheerful looking fellow on Hollywood Boulevard with a handwritten cardboard sign that read KICK MY ASS FOR $1. WEDNESDAY SPECIAL!!!
He was smiling. Either business is booming or he's nuts and doesn't care. I know what I think ...

G